Cami's conundrum: Dressing in public?

Ever since I have opened up about crossdressing, I have wondered about whether I should go out crossdressed.

This thought came up again today, when my wife and I were discussing whether Cami should go to the Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras in Sydney.

My previous experiences going out dressed up have been interesting, but a mixed bag.  

In order to take a decision, I decided to reach deeper into my thoughts and consider why I crossdress. Two thoughts came to mind:

I crossdress to:

* express myself as a femme

* "let it go" after having to abide by gender norms after a 9-5 work week.

One other factor to consider is my "negative" desire to seek approval from others to justify my crossdressing.

So based on these aims and factors, would I enjoy crossdressing at the Mardi Gras?

Well, while the Mardi Gras might be a great place to be dressed in the parade, being dressed while watching the parade means you are surrounded by lots of gender-normative people.  Plus there are judgemental gender-normative people getting to and coming from the Mardi Gras. Being around these people would make me self-conscious, making me unlikely to "let it go" and express my femme-ness and more likely to indulge negative parts of my dressing, namely trying to seek others approval for my dressing.

Based on these factors, I have decided not to go to the Mardi Gras dressed. I'll go of course, with some wonderful colours painted on my nails, but not dressed.

I would like to go out dressed in the future, but I'm going to look for nurturing environments around like-minded people that I can enjoy and properly express my femme-ness rather than feel self-conscious.